Recipe for Ham Smash 'Em Up Sammich

One day I got to thinking..at about lunchtime..what is an awesome sammich name? Thus the Ham Smash 'Em Up was born. Now all I needed to do was come up with an equally awesome sammich. Harder than it sounds. Here's what I came up with:

You will need: Any number of ham slices- Two pieces of bread- Five 2inch nails- One hammer- One stool

1) Nail one slice of bread to the ceiling.

2) Hold four nails between your fingers, like Wolverine.

3) Growl a bit, slash the air as if you were fighting Magneto (!!very important!!)

4) Impale the second piece of bread on your 'finger-nails'.

5) Impale the desired number of ham slices on your 'finger-nails', above the bread.

6) Standing on the stool, punch the piece of bread on the bread. Your sammich's taste will vary depending on noises made during the punch. For the correct mild, salty flavor, pretend you are speaking politely to a postman.

7) Remove your fingers from the nails.

7a) If the sammich fails to stay intact, your stool is of the incorrect lumber or varnish type.

8 ) Pull the sammich from the ceiling.

9) Eat the sammich. *mmm, sammich*

10) After eating the sammich, wash it down with a cool glass of skim milk.

11) Put the stool back where you found it, and put the hammer and nails back in the tool box. Oh, that reminds me…

9b) Remove the nails before eating the sammich.

Unfortunately, I cannot enjoy the awesomeness that is the Ham Smash 'Em Up, as I do not eat bacon or ham. I believe in FREEing the piggies, not EATing them. *Cue stoner guitar strumming.*